Planting - 2021

 

I buried them

14 years

4 piles of fur

bones

memories

the reason I stayed

the family I never had to fight

all passed.

All my anchors are dissolving

touchstones are no longer walking

but planted

now lodestones

internal compasses in unmarked graves.

Don't move.

I can find you still

I know your face

I can't process this as good as I used to

or as badly

but I'm trying

please don't forget me

please forgive me

I didn't mean to leave

but I never left 

you keep my heart 

always and I know where to find it

I know where you are

I can't forget you

I won't

but I have to move on

I cannot stay in this death any longer

the living death of waiting for oxygen in a tank

hiding, hurting, hoping

and I left

and I'm sorry.